3 Sentence Summary
In his book Single On Purpose, John Kim addresses individuals from various relationship backgrounds, emphasizing the importance of self-discovery beyond love. Drawing from his own experiences, Kim aka Angry Therapist Blogger, humorously guides readers through the single life. He offers valuable insights to avoid common relationship pitfalls.
Summary Read Time: Less than 4 minutes
Actual Book Length: 256
First Published in: 2021
Key Highlights from The Book:
- Untangling Loneliness: Emotion vs. Identity
- Self-Date: Embrace Connection and Undivided Attention
- Embracing Acceptance: The Path to Healing and Growth
- Kim’s Guide On How To Be Single On Purpose
Below is the detailed yet quick summary of the book covering each idea:
Lesson 1 – Untangling Loneliness: Emotion vs. Identity
Loneliness is distinct from feeling “I am lonely.” The former is a fleeting emotion, while the latter is a self-identity linked to self-worth. By attaching extra significance to loneliness, you may wrongly assume a personal flaw, such as being too old or overweight. Remember, societal expectations create this mindset, and it’s not your fault. You’ve been unknowingly conditioned.
Lesson 2 – Self-Date: Embrace Connection and Undivided Attention
A first date with yourself needn’t be extravagant. It could be a simple walk, workout, or coffee on a weekend. Focus on connecting with yourself, embracing any discomfort, and avoiding distractions like your phone or overthinking. Offer yourself the same undivided attention you’d give someone else.
Lesson 3 – Embracing Acceptance: The Path to Healing and Growth
Acceptance is the foundation of healing. Ignoring or denying an issue allows it to grow, becoming destructive eventually. Acceptance doesn’t imply reconciling with an ex; it may involve acknowledging your emotions, taking responsibility, or setting boundaries. Recognize that acceptance is a gradual process and give yourself time to embrace it.
Kim’s Guide On How To Be Single On Purpose:
Step 1 – Embrace the End of a Relationship
Relationships, unlike milk, involve shared emotions, but reframing your mindset can help you accept its end and move on. Breakups are hard, with “what-ifs” and selective memories keeping us stuck. Understand that the relationship has simply run its course, reaching its natural expiration date, and trust in that belief.
Step 2 – Cutting Ties and Setting Boundaries for Healing
Unfriend, unfollow, and cease communication to allow healing. Perhaps friendship is possible later, but only after establishing space. Respect the relationship by acknowledging its end and setting boundaries. If children are involved, establish healthy communication and limits, avoid emotional manipulation, and prioritize healing for all parties.
Step 3 – Taking Responsibility for Personal Growth
Blaming an ex is tempting, but it traps you in victimhood and prevents healing. While acknowledging genuine victimization is important, recognizing one’s own role in a relationship’s end fosters growth and helps avoid repeating past mistakes. Remember, relationships involve two people, and self-reflection is crucial for personal development.
Step 4 – Prioritize Self-Reflection
Resist the urge to quickly find a new relationship after a breakup. Instead, embrace being single and focus on self-improvement. This period offers rich opportunities for growth when centered on oneself. Engage in the challenging inner work, practicing self-compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance to foster personal evolution.
Step 5 – Establish Your Non-Negotiables
Distinguish between preferences and non-negotiables—essential standards that align with your values and self-worth. Non-negotiables don’t have to be major; they can include shared interests or values, like engaging banter or avoiding excessive video gaming. These criteria help maintain healthy relationships.
Step 6 – Healing Takes Time: Embrace the Journey
There’s no predetermined timeline for healing from a breakup. Each relationship is unique, leaving varying emotional impacts. Avoid comparing past experiences, and allow yourself the necessary time to heal and grow at your own pace.