3 Sentence Summary
She Comes First is a book written by Ian Kerner that aims to help men become better at oral sex. He argues that it is important for men to focus on consistent clitoral stimulation in order to give their female partners orgasms through oral sex. He suggests starting with oral sex before engaging in other sexual activities like penetration in order to increase the chances of female orgasm.
Summary Read Time: Less than 5 minutes
Actual Book Length: 240
First Published in: 2004
Below is the detailed yet quick summary of the book:
Lesson 1 – Prioritize oral sex for female pleasure and orgasm.
To achieve mutual pleasure in the bedroom, it is important to prioritize the stimulation of the clitoris. Studies have shown that the clitoris is three times as sensitive as the vaginal wall, and the G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris. People with the condition of vaginal agenesis, born without a vagina, are still able to orgasm.
Cunnilingus, or oral sex performed on a woman, is the most effective way to bring a woman to orgasm due to the flexibility and sensitivity of the tongue. Surveys have consistently shown that oral sex is a reliable way for women to reach orgasm. However, there is an art to effectively stimulating the clitoris with the tongue.
Lesson 2 – The clitoris is an area that is sensitive to sexual pleasure.
The clitoris is a highly complex organ that has many parts that can be stimulated to give a woman pleasure. It is made up of the head, shaft, and base, as well as several hidden parts that extend from the top of the pubic bone to the anus. It has more than 8,000 nerve fibers, making it the most sensitive part of the body. There are ten hot spots that can be stimulated to give a woman pleasure:
- The head
- Pubic mound
- Front commissure
- Labia Minora
- Vaginal Entrance
By learning about these hot spots and how to stimulate them, you can learn the art of pleasuring a woman.
Lesson 3 – Three stages – foreplay, coreplay and moreplay – make up the female sexual response.
The female sexual response cycle can be divided into three acts:
Foreplay: During foreplay, or Act I, a woman’s body begins to prepare for sexual response. Hormones and chemicals are released, and physical changes occur, such as increased sensitivity and swelling of the breasts.
Coreplay: Act II, or coreplay, is when tension builds to a peak, with increased muscle tension, breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure. The entrance to the vagina narrows and lengthens.
Moreplay: Act III, or moreplay, is the post-aroused state in which the body returns to a pre-aroused state. It takes longer for a woman’s genital area to return to its normal state than it does for a man to lose his erection after orgasm. This means that with a little stimulation, a woman is ready to start the process again.
Lesson 4 – Ensure comfort and save genital kissing for the end of foreplay.
Before you start giving oral sex, it’s important to set the mood and build up anticipation. This is called foreplay, and it’s an essential part of the sexual experience. During foreplay, you should avoid genital contact for at least ten to fifteen minutes, focusing instead on other areas of your partner’s body. Massaging their feet or playfully tying them up are good ways to create a sense of excitement.
When you’re ready to move on to oral sex, make sure you and your partner are comfortable, and take your time to show your appreciation for their genital area. Start with kisses on the inner thighs and through underwear, then use your tongue to perform a full “ice cream” lick from bottom to top. With these tips, you’ll be well on your way to giving your partner an enjoyable and satisfying oral experience.
Lesson 5 – Coreplay consists of six stages, and gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes are essential.
Coreplay is the process of building sexual tension and culminating in a satisfying orgasm for your partner. To achieve this, it’s important to use gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes and incorporate different techniques as the tension builds. These techniques include establishing a stable rhythm, pressing and holding the clitoral head, and providing resistance and pressure as the orgasm approaches. It’s also helpful to stimulate the G-spot with fingers and press against the frenulum. During the final stage, maintain the pressure and hold your partner in place as they experience contractions.
Lesson 6 – Moreplay involves returning to a state of pre-arousal and possibly cuddling or providing another orgasm.
Multiple orgasms are possible for women, but they require the right kind of clitoral stimulation. After the first orgasm, a woman’s body is still highly aroused, so it is easier for her to have a second one. Moreplay is the time to return to the pre-aroused state together before helping her reach climax again. Remember to be patient and give her time to recover because her clitoris is sensitive after an orgasm. Consider incorporating intercourse during moreplay, using a position that allows for direct contact between the clitoris and the pubic bone. Don’t forget to also take time to kiss, cuddle, and stay connected after the sexual experience is over.