3 Sentence Summary
The Courage to Be Disliked, written by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishim, is a wisdom-rich guide on self-forgiveness, self-care, and decluttering the mind. It offers a liberating way of thinking that enables readers to develop the courage to change and break free from self-imposed limitations.
Summary Read Time: Less than 4 minutes
Actual Book Length: 288
First Published in: 2013
Below is the detailed yet quick summary of the book:
Lesson 1: There is no such thing as trauma
The Adlerian philosophy posits that there is no such thing as trauma in the traditional sense. The meaning we assign to our experiences, rather than the experiences themselves, shape our reality. This is a stark contrast to contemporary discussions on trauma, but it highlights the agency we have in how we react to events in our lives, including those that may be traumatic. Adler argues that we are not determined by our experiences, but rather the meaning we give them.
Lesson 2: Our emotions are chosen by us to serve our own goals
Adlerian philosophy suggests that emotions are not predetermined by past experiences or traumatic events, but rather they are chosen by the individual. This idea goes against the traditional belief that emotions are a result of external factors. This philosophy emphasizes the power of personal agency and the ability to make meaning out of experiences.
Additionally, the concept of emotions being manufactured is also presented. The idea is that emotions are not innate, but rather a product of societal conditioning and the stories we tell ourselves. This perspective is liberating as it suggests that the negative emotions we experience can be changed if we choose to do so.
Lesson 3: Unhappiness is something that we choose for ourselves
The text explains that our unhappiness is often a result of our own choices and perceptions. We may blame our circumstances for our unhappiness, but it is ultimately our own decision to see them in a negative light. The text suggests considering how others in similar circumstances may react differently. It highlights that it is not the circumstances themselves causing our unhappiness, but rather our own reaction to them.
Lesson 4: All problems are interpersonal relationship problems
The concept of invasion of tasks is the idea that interpersonal relationship problems arise when people intrude on each other’s tasks. This can manifest in different ways but ultimately, every relationship problem comes down to a task that is being intruded upon. It’s important to remember that you can only control your own choices and actions. What others think about those choices is not something you can control.
Lesson 5: Viewing other people as your comrades
The idea that society has instilled a competitive mindset in individuals is explored in this text. But it suggests that embracing a sense of camaraderie with others can open up a new way of living. It suggests that competition will inevitably get in the way when one is trying to be themselves. The true progress lies in trying to progress past who one is now, rather than competing with others.
Lesson 6: Happiness is a feeling of contribution to something
The authors argue that true happiness is derived from feeling useful to others and that in order to achieve this, one must have the courage to be disliked. The book suggests that by embracing this mindset, our interpersonal relationships will become more fulfilling and less burdensome. Additionally, the authors argue that the courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.